By Rachel Curry
For a man who doesn’t speak a word in the Bible, much has been written about St Joseph, a humble carpenter whose incredible faith in God led him to marry the Virgin Mary and raise Jesus as his son.
As we approach the first of his two feast days – the Feast of St Joseph the Husband on 19 March–The eRecord journalist Rachel Curry spoke to two Catholic family experts about how men today can draw upon St Joseph’s incredible example.
Campus Ministry Manager at the University of Notre Dame Australia in Fremantle, Tom Gourlay, has been married for a little over nine months to his wife, Elizabeth, and, when this article was written, was in final preparations for the birth of his first child.
Mr Gourlay said St Joseph was a saint of particular devotion to him and someone many men could look to emulate.
“While Joseph himself could be considered by some to be playing a minor role in the Gospels – none of his words are recounted, for example – his role in the Holy Family is of tremendous significance,” he said.
“His is an example of true masculine strength and courage, primarily exhibited through his purity and complete gift of self in service to his family.”
Mr Gourlay, who is currently completing a Master’s Degree in Theology at Melbourne’s John Paul II Institute of Marriage and Family Studies, said men throughout the ages had been tempted to exhibit strength and courage through domination and violence, instead of through this sincere gift of self.
Today, threats to true masculinity are felt most often through “pornography, overwork and the sloth which accompanies inactivity and luxurious living,” he explained.
“Now, more than ever, the challenging words of St Paul addressed to the men of Ephesus need to be heard with renewed clarity: ‘Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her’.”
Director at the Archdiocese of Perth’s Catholic Marriage and Facility Services, Derek Boylen, agreed that husbands should devote themselves to their wives, particularly when they become fathers and children start to dictate most of their attention.
“The best way to love your children is to love your wife,” he said.
“The most important relationship in every family is the one upon which it is based: the marriage. Loving your wife and supporting your wife is the best way to ensure that things will work out well in the long run.”
Mr Boylen, who has six sons and a daughter with his wife, Karen, added that he also looked to St Joseph as a role model, and sought his intercession, particularly in times of struggle.
“As a husband and father, he knows exactly what it takes and how difficult it can be,” he said.
“When I’ve got to get up in the middle of the night to a sleepless child, I think about how St Joseph had to do that in the middle of the night in a desert somewhere fleeing to Egypt, a foreign country with a foreign language.”
St Joseph can be seen as a particularly important figure for fathers in light of depictions in the media, which often characterise fathers as playing a secondary parenting role.
In contrast, data collected by The Fathering Project – a not-for-profit group of the University of Western Australia – shows fathers’ self-efficacy and warmth in parenting are the most powerful predictors of children’s improved health, academic, social and emotional outcomes.
Mr Gourlay agreed that certain representations of fathers in the media, such as the “self-centred but lovable buffoon”, Homer Simpson, could be unflattering.
“While we can certainly see that this is strongly caricatured for comedic value, the impact on these kinds of depictions becomes something of a self-fulfilling prophecy,” he said.
“While the breakdown in family, and community life more generally, that we have witnessed in the last 50 years or so is the result of complex issues, it has seen an increase in men cut adrift, without positive male role models.”
For more information about The Fathering Project, visit www.thefatheringproject.org.