By Rachel Curry
St Joseph can be seen as a particularly important figure for fathers in light of depictions in the media, which often characterise fathers as helpless and playing a secondary parenting role.
For a man who doesn’t speak a word in the Bible, much has been written about St Joseph, a humble carpenter whose incredible faith in God led him to marry the Virgin Mary and raise Jesus as his son.
His two feast days – the Feast of St Joseph the Husband on 19 March and the Feast of St Joseph the Worker on May 1 – mark his importance, but what can a man who lived more than 2000 years ago teach us about the role of men in families today?
According to Tom Gourlay, Campus Ministry Manager at the University of Notre Dame Australia in Fremantle, the answer is a great amount indeed.
Mr Gourlay has been married for a little less than one year to his wife, Elizabeth, and the couple have recently welcomed their first child.
He said St Joseph was a saint of particular devotion to him and someone many men could look to emulate.
“While Joseph himself could be considered by some to be playing a minor role in the Gospels – none of his words are recounted, for example – his role in the Holy Family is of tremendous significance,” he said.
“His is an example of true masculine strength and courage, primarily exhibited through his purity and complete gift of self in service to his family.”
Mr Gourlay, who is currently completing a Master’s Degree in Theology at Melbourne’s John Paul II Institute of Marriage and Family Studies, said men throughout the ages had been tempted to exhibit strength and courage through domination and violence, instead of through this sincere gift of self.
Today, threats to true masculinity were felt most often through pornography, overwork and luxurious living, he explained.
“Now, more than ever, the challenging words of St Paul addressed to the men of Ephesus need to be heard with renewed clarity: ‘Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her’.”
Director at the Archdiocese of Perth’s Catholic Marriage and Fertility Services, Derek Boylen, agreed that husbands should devote themselves to their wives, particularly when they become fathers and children start to dictate most of their attention.
“The best way to love your children is to love your wife,” he said.
“The most important relationship in every family is the one upon which it is based: the marriage. Loving your wife and supporting your wife is the best way to ensure that things will work out well in the long run.”
Mr Boylen, who has six sons and a daughter with his wife, Karen, added that he also looked to St Joseph as a role model, and sought his intercession, particularly in times of struggle.
“As a husband and father, he knows exactly what it takes and how difficult it can be,” he said.
“When I’ve got to get up in the middle of the night to a sleepless child, I think about how St Joseph had to do that in the middle of the night in a desert somewhere fleeing to Egypt, a foreign country with a foreign language.”
St Joseph can be seen as a particularly important figure for fathers in light of depictions in the media, which often characterise fathers as helpless and playing a secondary parenting role.
In contrast, data collected by The Fathering Project – a not-for-profit group of the University of Western Australia – shows fathers’ self-efficacy and warmth in parenting are the most powerful predictors of children’s improved health, academic, social and emotional outcomes.
Catholic men in the public sphere, such as Robert Mazza, a Judge of the Supreme Court of Western Australia, can help overturn these dangerous misconceptions.
Speaking at a Catholic Men’s Breakfast event, Mr Mazza said he always prioritised his wife, Julie, and his three children, Catherine, James and Sophie, even with the high demands of his job.
“As a family we try to eat together and, because I like to talk, I’m always trying to engage one of my kids in some kind of conversation,” he said.
“I do take my allocation of leave and almost always that means some kind of family holiday…If there is some sporting event or musical performance my children are involved in, I make a point of going to watch it.”
Mr Mazza also attends Mass with his family, though he joked that he had to resort to “occasional bribery” in the case of his children.
Clearly a devoted family man, he said this side of him wasn’t always acknowledged by others.
“Despite what I regard as a rich life outside of work, most people define me by what I do,” he conceded.
This is another area where the example of St Joseph can be useful.
Jesus’s earthly father is admired not for his own achievements, but for his sincere gift of self in service to his family. Maybe it is time we do the same for men today.
From pages 26 and 27 from Issue 2: ‘Family: What does it mean in 2016?’ of The Record Magazine