By Caroline Smith
When people think of ‘vocations’, the concept that comes to mind is often one of people involved in religious orders, or who live out the vocation of marriage, with God playing an important role in their relationship and family life.
However, for young people who are single or in the ‘dating scene’, questions of faith and the interplay between this and wider society can also present challenges, as they go about their everyday lives meeting people and thinking about their place in the world.
For 25-year-old mining engineer, Clarence Goh, being single in today’s society can be difficult, especially when it came to explaining this status to others.
However, said Clarence, being part of Catholic youth groups helped in this regard, because people could talk more freely about vocations and the path they were on.
“Groups like Catholic Youth Ministry (CYM) and Ignite Youth Ministry enable one to find themselves as a single person, on a journey, looking for God with whom they can deepen their relationship.
“It is through this journey that you can find out who you are as a person and what your calling is; it could be to the priesthood, religious life, marriage or even single life.
“I believe as a single person you must develop yourself and understand who you are as a person before you start a relationship so that you can have a strong foundation to build upon.”
He added that, for young people of faith, socialising and looking for a partner could also be problematic because of wider social trends, such as the availability of pornography.
Mr Goh said he believes there is also a need for greater support for young people who were still finding their vocation, rather than pressuring them to be in a relationship.
“I think people, especially single people, have been programmed to believe that being in a relationship is normal and you are not normal if you are not attached to someone,” he said.
However, he reiterated that investing more in his faith – particularly through youth ministry – had really helped in this.
“Having my faith has helped me a lot. I initially didn’t know why I was single and for a while I felt distant, like why hasn’t God found me someone? Or why am I not in a relationship? Doesn’t God love me? Is there something wrong with me?” Mr Goh said.
“It wasn’t until I started working in youth ministry and going on my own journey to deepen my faith that I could start understanding and processing what I was feeling and going through.”
Negotiating your way through the dating scene and relationships could also be challenging according to Montana McCann, who recently became engaged to her boyfriend, Luke.
Ms McCann – who is studying to become a primary school teacher – said coming from a Christian background could often pose problems for people when they were dating.
“Sex, contraception and co-habitation are challenges, just to name a few,” Montana said.
“As a young Catholic, these are the key issues that can make or break your potential relationships,” she said.
“You go on a date and the guy or girl is amazing. You get along, laugh, enjoy each other’s company and can’t wait for the next date. But then you drop the bombshell, ‘So, I’m waiting till marriage …’. They stare at you blankly and then proceed to say ‘Hope you have a nice life …’.
“Some people will stick around but hope you may compromise your values. Society will say your standards are too high, too old school or simply strange.”
However, she also managed to find solace within Church and youth group communities, where young people could share common experiences of dating and relationships, while also connecting to God.
These people share my faith and continue to inspire me to grow in holiness and are also just good fun: we share similar interests, personalities and enjoy each other’s company,” Ms McCann said.
“I think it is so important to find people who you relate to on a personal level regardless of the faith.”
Turning to the relationship with her fiancé, Ms McCann said it had been strengthened by a common focus on faith, regularly attending Mass, receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation and praying together as often as possible which set them up well for a future life together.
“For both of us, we strived to keep God as the centre of our lives while being single, which made it easier when transitioning into a relationship,” she said.
“Early on in our relationship, we discussed how we saw marriage as a vocation, ultimately leading each other to heaven and this is how our relationship has continued.”
From pages from 14 to 15 Issue 9: ‘What is a Vocation?’ of The Record Magazine