Many a parent could echo the heart-rending cry we hear from God Himself every year on Good Friday: “My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!”
There is good reason why forgiveness is so strongly emphasised in the New Testament. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others; not just forgiving seven times, but seventy times seven; the powerful parable of the prodigal son, for example.
Forgiveness and love; two of the most misunderstood things on the planet today, I think.
We teach our children to esteem themselves highly, but sometimes are we inadvertently teaching them an overweening pride in themselves? Parents walk a fine line in this, as in everything.
It requires humility, both to ask forgiveness and to grant it. We have to accept that we are far less than perfect ourselves, so cannot reasonably expect perfection in others. But still as parents we must teach our children to aim high and avoid complacency. To teach this lesson while still keeping your children’s spirit intact is a tough one.
But the ability to forgive others and to humbly accept that there is much we need to be forgiven for ourselves is central to authentic love.
St Paul gets to the nub of the matter when he says love covers a multitude of sins; and elsewhere without love we are empty vessels making much noise. We are all called to the vocation in which we are most likely, and most challenged, to learn what real love is. That is why it sometimes seems as though we end up in a vocation for which we may feel a little ill-suited.
For example, marriage tends to quickly and humiliatingly show up all the weaknesses and selfishness in our own nature – but not as quickly as it shows us the weaknesses in our spouse’s nature!
The humility, courage and generosity – the love, in fact – that is required to accept and forgive what we can’t change, change what we can, and learn to tell the difference (to borrow from St Augustine) – is what marriage is all about. You take up the challenge and renew that commitment of courageous, humble love every day, or you run away screaming.
This is what family life is for. What we learn about love and forgiveness as spouses it is our duty as parents to attempt to pass on to our children by example and by correction when necessary.
In the same way we have to learn to listen to our spouses when they might tell us something we don’t like about ourselves; we hope our children will learn to listen to us when we must undertake that task. It isn’t a pleasant task – parents hate it – but it is one we have to take up.
Listening to the Mass readings for the first Sunday of Lent, reminding us that we don’t know when the end is coming so we must hold ourselves constantly ready, is a salutary reminder to all us parents. We have to keep on struggling to make ourselves better, to keep on working, loving and praying for our families, and not shirk our duty, that our children, with our help, may continue to develop into the fine young men and women they are on the way to becoming.