Author turns gaze to disturbing new pressure targeting boys

Navigating the shadowline from boyhood to manhood is difficult enough, but a groundbreaking Australian author has documented the emergence of worrying and powerful new forces impacting on the nation’s boys. Peer pressure is a powerful conduit for such forces

Just as she has found for the experience of girls in 21st century Australia, research by author Maggie Hamilton has charted the ways in which boys are facing increasing and sophisticated pressures to become something other than they are. The problem? In part, childhood is being destroyed by our unwillingness to acknowledge the problems of affluence. The issues she raises are of direct importance to parents, Catholic or non-Catholic, and to the Church in Australia. Implicit in her message is that parents need to get informed – quickly.

By Bridget Spinks

Boys are suffering a diminished experience of life because of the pressures of marketing and technology, according to well-known author, Maggie Hamilton.
In her latest book, What’s happening to our boys?, Ms Hamilton examined the 21st century trends in boys’ behaviour and the rising levels of anxiety starting to show in boys as young as 7-8 years of age around clothing, looks and body image.
“What I wanted to give was an intimate view of what it’s like to be a boy today to show parents where the influences are coming from,” she said.
This latest book is the follow up to her previous books, What’s happening to our girls? and What men don’t talk about.
As such, it builds on prior research carried out for previous books and draws on new empirical research with police and child psychologists as well as boys themselves (a random sample from across the country).
“I could compare how boys were travelling four years ago from now. I went back to look at marketing to boys to see if anything had changed,” Ms Hamilton said.
“That’s when I found that boys were the new target,” she said.
Marketers are spending millions targeting boys, the researcher and author found. Stealth marketing, advergames, ‘relationship marketing,’ focus groups, ‘integrative marketing,’ ‘product placement’ and ‘neuro marketing’ are ways marketers are targeting boys, she writes in the book.
Added to this is the pressure on boys coming from the entertainment industry, fashion houses and toiletry manufacturers.
“We don’t understand it, sometimes, that kids are concerned about their image because of self-preservation; it’s their way of gaining love and acknowledgement from their peers,” Ms Hamilton said.
“If you’re in survival mode, you don’t have the headspace to think about others,” she said.
The trouble with a generation of boys worried about their image, themselves and acquiring new things is that they are missing out on “rewarding life experiences”. 
“We let our kids down when we let them go down this route. If it’s all about you, you don’t get to practice empathy, sharing, putting yourself out for other people, which are all rewarding life experiences,” she said.
Technology is another factor that is changing the way boys experience life, she said, because “living in this world of TV and with their iPods” is isolating them.
It minimises the opportunity to relate to others and learn social skills needed for the workforce and relationships when they grow up, she said.
“What we’re seeing is a flattening of the life experience and imagination.
“They’re getting this little battery-hen like experience; they’re not getting maturity through life experiences.”
Pornography, especially the amount of porn in homes now, is “one of the most concerning things,” she said.
“There are two lots of parents – those who are ‘vigilant,’ who hide their porn from their kids; then there are those who leave it lying around on the coffee table – not just magazines, DVDs as well,” she said.
“We have to face up to it – as uncomfortable as it is – there’s an awful lot of it out there.
“Boys are also now watching it as a group activity,” Maggie Hamilton said.
Maggie Hamilton called on parents to discuss pornography with their boys to help them understand the true nature of relationships, of sex and desire.
A way to do this it to keep kids in touch with the “feeling side of themselves,” she said.
“So that when they do see these things, they are seeing the human aspect, and they think ‘this could be someone I love, this could be my little sister’.
“And then that actually takes away all the glamour and all the excitement out of it.”
Ms Hamilton said that when a father is absent from the family home, boys turn to alternative role models to get an idea of what it means to be a man.
“Dads are the stepping stone for a boy to get a sense of what a man is.
“If he’s not around, they turn to popular culture, the dysfunctional footy hero, the art of controlled celebrities and the one dimensional action figure who shoots people when there’s a problem.
“That becomes their role model,” she said.
“If there’s nobody to teach them how to respect women, they’re getting drunk every weekend, and behaving like a hoon which is not actually manly behaviour – it’s unhelpful behaviour”.
Women are also to blame, she added, because it’s acceptable to tell stories about “stupid and violent men”.
“We don’t actually talk about the good men in our lives – the blokes who scrape people up after there’s been an accident.
“There’s dozens of ways men help us to feel safe,” she said.

Maggie’s advice for 21st century parents of sons
– “Talk to kids about the nuances of relationships; just because someone
is special and lovely doesn’t automatically translate into sex.
Life is so much more than sex. It’s about longing and beauty and desire, which doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
I think what’s really interesting is the growing number of girls drawn
to Pride and Prejudice where it’s all about unrequited love; and just
how a look can be something very special.
– “We’re not teaching the children the language they need to say ‘no’ and just to look at someone who’s special can be special.
It’s all flattened out to the idea that ‘You have a few drinks and then you have sex’.
We need to explain the nuances of what relationships are about, and give
them good scripts to say ‘no’, because at the moment it’s all about
saying ‘yes’.
– “We have to talk about the feeling side of things with people who’ve
totally lost their way in life.“Create a lively family culture; where
when a gathering’s happening the boys have roles so they’re not all
standing on the edge feeling awkward. Give them valuable jobs (not just
token jobs) with dad and the other men, and then acknowledge them:
‘Sean, those sausages were amazing’.
– “Look at what each child’s passion is; maybe he’s great at art or
something else. Take him to lessons so that that dilutes the influence
that the group has on him.
– “Getting involved in service makes them feel useful and they get feedback from that.
– “Getting experience from across the generations and one-on-one time with dads is invaluable.”