Bernard grew up in Gumbaynggirr (Nambucca Heads), on the north coast of New South Wales. The youngest of 13 children, his father left when he was only one and Bernard always felt it was his responsibility to keep everyone together.
“There were arguments in the family and there were problems with the drink and drugs. I did what I could to comfort my mum as much as possible,” said Bernard.
From a young age, Bernard had a strong bond with his mum whom he loved deeply.
However when his cousins called out for their dad on family camping trips, Bernard realised how important a father is to a household, and as he got older, he thought more about his dad.
For many years, Bernard bottled up his feelings. He managed to do very well at school and in 1996 he became the second ever Aboriginal school captain at Nambucca Heads High School.
However two years later, his beloved mum passed away.
“That really hit me hard. I was so close to her. We would sit down and talk about anything, mostly on our fishing trips. I would always tell Mum I loved her; when she cried, I cried – and then she was gone,” said Bernard.
After losing his mum, Bernard also lost direction in his life.
In an attempt to forget the pain, he turned to drugs and alcohol, with his addiction lasting many years. In 2005, at the age of 25, Bernard was admitted to hospital.
While there, one of his brothers contacted his father, who came to visit.
His dad told Bernard that he’d never forgotten about him, so together, they made plans for a fishing trip on Father’s Day.
Although his father was back in his life and Bernard was feeling more comfortable with their new found relationship, he still desperately grieved the loss of his mum.
A close friend told Bernard about Tom Powell’s Red Dust Healing – a healing program for Indigenous men and women.
Bernard was invited to spend four days at Red Dust Healing in Crescent Head, NSW.
The program encourages participants to examine their own personal hurt and allows them to heal from within; without drugs or alcohol.
Red Dust Healing’s philosophy is “if we do not know who we are and where we come from, then how do we know where we are going?”
It is targeted at the heart, not the head and focuses on a spiritual understanding of self, identity, love, belonging, family, security, hurt, heartache, good times and laughter.
The program provided a safe space to talk and Bernard said it changed everything.
“Now I know how to express how I feel. I know that it’s good to talk about things, to get it out and not bottle it up inside.”
He still remembers the pictures and stories that Red Dust Healing used to help him, like the image of a tree:
“You can poison (the roots of a tree) with anger, resentment and jealousy and all those negative things that will harm the tree … Good nutrients are love, respect, belonging, sacrifice, morals, shelter, nurturing and sharing. They are the things that make your life work and they let you have good relationships. Now I just keep going back to that. I just build them into my life.”
Bernard also found his cultural roots. During a six-day festival in northeast Arnhem Land, he was adopted by a traditional and spiritual family.
A proud Gumbaynggirr man, Bernard’s now a Court Support Officer for the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Legal Service and recently became a father.
Determined to always be there for his daughter, Aila, he understands how important his role within family life is.
“I want to keep the good nutrients coming into my home … without Tom and Red Dust Healing I don’t know where I would be today,” said Bernard.
“Thanks to Tom and Caritas Australia, because Red Dust Healing has taught me about being a man and being a father.”
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