Without sounding too defeatist, I must admit that middle age has altered my list of earthly goals, some of which have been (in no particular order): study art, earn my MA, travel the world, learn to cook as well as my mother-in-law (yes, I really was once that naïve), write a best-seller (or even a mediocre-seller), climb Mount Everest.
Just kidding on that last one—I have never desired to climb that (or any) mountain. The only mountains I’ve ever conquered were composed of dirty laundry, and that’s fine by me.
If I ever dreamed of being Superwoman, those days are gone. I would be content to be a good wife and mother.
I should like to be, in the words of Jane Austen (via Lady Catherine de Burgh, via Mar Collins), “an active, useful sort of person”. To this end, I could peruse some self-help books, but for starters I might try overcoming bad habits rather than just reading about good ones.
I am still learning what works but frankly, I have a lot more experience with what doesn’t. Thus I present Seven Habits of Highly Ineffective People.
Not only have I known, taught, and worked with highly ineffective people, I have spent many years being one myself. (My apologies to the fellow who wrote that book about Highly Effective People—needless to say… I haven’t read it.)
1) Don’t count your blessings. Say to yourself: “Why can’t I have more/bigger/better/newer? The shampoo ad says I’m worth it.” You’ll end up feeling irritable, covetous, and exasperated with everything and everyone around you.
2) Foster a disordered attitude towards your bodily needs. In fact, go one further and confuse legitimate needs and desires. Don’t eat properly or get adequate sleep. Poor nutrition is always effective for slowing you down and keeping your energy levels in a constant state of flux. Don’t exercise: there’s nothing like feeling lethargic and physically lousy in addition to feeling that way mentally and spiritually.
3) Always make excuses for yourself, but be impatient and unpitying with others around you.
4) Be lazy and procrastinate.
5) Be disorganised and untidy too, if you can manage it. Your stuff will always be lost or misplaced when you need it most: keys, receipts, bank statements, bills, wedding invitations (“Hey honey, there are only five Catholic churches in this city—your niece’s wedding has to be at one of them…sometime this afternoon!”)
6) Practise poor time management (see #3) and be chronically tardy. Arrive late not only for appointments, classes and meetings, but also for coffee/dinner with friends, and of course, Sunday Mass. Waste time. Your days will be chaotic, and you will accomplish very little.
7) Make sure always to put yourself first; you only live once.
8) Don’t pray, at least not with any regularity. This will help cultivate an attitude of self-absorption and general misery.
Of course, the sad part is that this list is far from definitive. There are many, perhaps even hundreds, more bad habits that render one’s life ineffective.
So thanks for humouring me, but go ahead and buy (and read!) the self-help books in order to get the straight goods on becoming an active, useful person.
Or, you could read things like the following, which I have dubbed “Three Habits of the Most Highly Effective People” (saints).
There are three things, my brethren, by which faith stands firm, devotion remains constant, and virtue endures. They are prayer, fasting and mercy.
Prayer knocks at the door, fasting obtains, mercy receives. […] Fasting is the soul of prayer, mercy is the lifeblood of fasting. Let no one try to separate them; they cannot be separated.
If you have only one of them or not all together, you have nothing. So if you pray, fast; if you fast, show mercy; if you want your petition to be heard, hear the petition of others.
If you do not close your ear to others you open God’s ear to yourself. – Saint Peter Chrysologus. If we begin with just these three, we might be surprised at how other good habits follow, and how quickly our daily life improves.