A new program draws on the richness and beauty of the Catholic Church’s theology and teaching to bring help to nervous parents.
Throughout the history of the Catholic Church, and even in today’s climate of liberalism and openness, the very thought of sex education can still induce knots in the stomach, feelings of intense nervousness, awkward sideway glances and a stumbling of words … and that’s just the parents!
But parents across the country can now breathe a collective sigh of relief with the release of a book that can not only successfully guide them through this “trau-matic” phase of their lives, but do it while remaining faithful to the Church’s teachings.
Dr Gerard O’Shea, senior lecturer at the John Paul II Institute of Marriage and Family in Melbourne, is the author of a groundbreaking programme that has finally packaged Church wisdom in the area of sexuality and presented it in a practical and child-friendly format. In an interview with The Record, O’Shea confessed one of the primary motives for producing As I Have Loved You was his own difficulty trying to convey the true beauty of Catholic understanding within a framework that could be effectively received by his five children.
As his oldest boys were approaching teenage years, he began studying at the JPII Institute, hoping to find some answers. There, he was introduced to the Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality (TMHS), a 1995 document produced by the Pontifical Council for the Family, intended to guide parents in the education of their children in human sexuality. The culmination of 10 years’ research by leading professionals and incorporating insights espoused by Pope John Paul II in his Theology of the Body series, the document confirmed to O’Shea the Church did have all the answers he was looking for.
However, it did not provide him with practical skills to effectively transfer this knowledge to his sons. “I knew I had already made some big mistakes with my oldest boy and I wanted to get it right for the younger ones”, he explained.
By this stage O’Shea was teaching at the Institute and increasingly concerned with the absence of an appropriate parental vehicle to deliver the Church’s profound wisdom. Driving his concern was the increasing flow of sexual information filtering into schools, including Catholic, throughout the 80s and 90s and introducing sexual concepts and information in a “one size fits all” package.
“In the area of sexual education”, O’Shea explained, “students were being treated with a herd mentality. This wasn’t being done within other subjects, where individual perceptions were taken into account and catered for”, he said.
But with 15 years’ teaching experience behind him, he was also aware the Church was not offering a practical alternative. Despite the TMHS document emphasising the need for parents to become primary educators of their children in human sexuality, he knew most of them did not possess the confidence to even attempt this. Enduring his own difficulties, O’Shea set about producing a programme he could utilise personally. “It was more out of a personal duty to my own children, rather than conviction about its broad appeal, that I proceeded with this task”, he admitted. But he soon realised the wider benefits of equipping Catholic parents with knowledge, means and confidence.
He began to construct the outline of his programme and refined it through parental focus groups, including non-Catholics, as well as fine-tuning its application with his own children. O’Shea founded his programme on the four principles established in the TMHS document:
1 Each child is unique and should be formed individually.
2 Moral dimensions always to be included in explanations.
3 Formation in chastity and timely information about sexuality to be provided in the broadest possible context of education for love. It cannot be neatly fitted into any single curriculum area.
4 Information should be provided clearly and at a time appropriate to the individual child.
As the course evolved, O’Shea became more determined to return responsibility for sexual education to parents. “For over a century, Catholic parents had been in the habit of delegating their educative role to the Catholic school”, he said. O’Shea believes only parents can accurately determine the physical, mental and emotional stages of development of their child and, accordingly, only they can successfully deliver the required education within the moral, ethical and spiritual framework in which it is intended.
O’Shea revealed that the question of timing on when to introduce the course is one of the most frequently asked. He responds by referring to the format he has presented in his book, where he divides childhood into Years of Innocence and Puberty. He describes the Years of Innocence as a stage when children are incapable of integrating sexual information with moral responsibility and therefore must never be disturbed by unnecessary information.
It is at this pre-pubescent stage, he states, parents must take extra care to protect children from any attempt to violate their innocence or to compromise their moral, emotional or spiritual development which, he acknowledges, is very precarious in today’s society. He is adamant parents are the appropriate people to gauge when to introduce the programme as intimate knowledge of their child ensures they will recognise physical signs, personality changes and curiosity levels which, he says, are the most accurate measuring sticks for readiness.
One of the beauties of this course is that it can be tailored to meet needs of all levels of understanding; however, O’Shea is quick to point out in order to maximise programme benefits, it is essential it is delivered within the context of a loving, trusting relationship.
“It is a relationship-based programme”, O’Shea shares, “One that I finally got right with my youngest son. We went through the course over several years and by the time he was ready to hear about intimate details of sexual intercourse, he said to me, ‘I think I know what you’re going to tell me’ … and he was right! It all becomes a natural and beautiful revelation and is very bonding.
In fact, he still chooses to regularly meet with me despite having completed the programme.” O’Shea says he is yet to meet anyone who has not been empowered in some way by their introduction to this course. “As parents come to understand the principles of the programme and grasp the context on how it should be conveyed”, he says, “They soon realise they are indeed the best ones to pass on this beautiful gift to their child.”
As I Have Loved You is available from The Record bookshop for $22.