What is the perfect marriage? Is there such a thing? Some couples believe they have a perfect marriage.
They seem happy, peaceful and content. Their perfect marriage operates at a somewhat efficient level as there is a perception that everything is OK. For them “OK” is perfect. The marriage, whilst efficient and convenient, it is at times a bit bland and often mediocre. Some couples may be in this place and think “that this is all there is to marriage and it therefore must be normal”.
Have these couples inadvertently redefined “perfect” as average? Do some couples aspire to the perfect marriage, but either look in the wrong places or simply don’t know where to look? Or do some couples do nothing at all?
Although some may say that “the L word” is all that is needed for a great marriage, do they fall short of drilling down into how love is actually expressed?
Do they leave the term “love” floating around in the ether? Where are the guidelines that help couples live love out in practice?
Over our marriage of 30 years we have learnt about and worked at trying to achieve some level of perfection in our relationship. We have, at times, struggled and stumbled in looking for ways to enrich our marriage. We have learnt to engage in better communication by being honest and open in expressing our feelings, trusting and relying on each other.
We try to be attentive to each other on a day to day basis. Despite constant demands, we spend quality time together by making an effort to go out, have a weekend away, a walk on the beach, or a coffee and chat. We try to make decisions based on what is best for our relationship.
We cherish and respect each other in our interactions and in wider family or social contacts. We have endeavoured to import good, and reject poor, behaviours which have been experienced or “learnt” from our respective families of origin. As a result, we set common and agreed priorities and objectives. We honour sexual intimacy as a deep and exclusive physical expression of our love.
Our romance and passion has been reignited. Sharing our spiritual intimacy is still a work in progress for us. But we know it will enable us to deepen our personal union with each other, so we keep trying. We are by no means perfect. For us, the journey continues! But what we have discovered is that the more we talk through and learn about these ways of deepening our relationship, the deeper and better our relationship actually becomes.
Marriages today are under a constant barrage of social expectations.
These expectations often determine the actions of married couples. You must have 2.4 kids, two jobs that pay well, a big house and plasma screens, each spouse must have their own circle of friends, designer clothes, the “ideal” body, getting the kids to sport, music and dancing and the list goes on! There is nothing fundamentally wrong with these social expectations, unless they become the central focus and obsession of the marriage. In a marriage where the focus is genuine love these expectations are, therefore, no longer the goal.
When couples make their marriage a mission to love, the mission for each husband and wife is to love their spouse fully, freely, fruitfully, faithfully and forever. Love becomes the driving force.
Perhaps the definition of the “perfect marriage” is not an end point, but rather the ongoing journey or mission in which couples share by genuinely engaging each other in talking and learning more about their marriages.
On the weekend of 2 and 3 April, married couples from around the Archdiocese of Perth gathered at the Newman Siena Centre in Doubleview to experience another successful Celebrate Love marriage enrichment seminar. The Celebrate Love seminar progressed through a number of topics.
The seminar explored and celebrated the differences between men and women and looked at how passion can energise and give life to relationships. It also looked at how ‘family of origin’ has influenced understanding of who we are (as man or woman) and our expectations as husband or wife.
The presenters also shared their own marriage experiences to help explain how men and women approach intimacy differently. Drawing on the insights of Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, Celebrate Love explored the sacred nature of marital intimacy.
It also examined ways in which couples can affirm and influence those with whom they interact, especially their children, friends and family.
We were also delighted, privileged and appreciative that Auxiliary Bishop Donald Sproxton celebrated the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Mass with the group on Saturday evening.
Comments from couples who participated in the April 2011 Celebrate Love marriage enrichment seminar:
– “We are very committed to our marriage but do find certain challenges beyond our own ability to overcome. It was great to be given techniques which seem certain to help a great deal in these situations.”
– “The weekend has helped us profoundly. We feel a huge weight has been lifted from us.”
– “I was worried that we would have to share details of our marriage in a group! But the seminar was structured so that all discussion was private, just between the two of us.”
– “Reminded us of the sacramental aspects of married life.”
The next Celebrate Love marriage seminar weekend for Perth is being held on 20 and 21 August 2011 at the Newman Siena Centre in Doubleview.
For more details call Carmen Court on 9316 4434 or 0419 945 277 or check the web site www.celebratelove.com.au for more information. Advance registrations for the weekend are essential and can be done on-line. An early bird discount applies for registrations before 1 August.
Stephen and Carmen Court have been married for 30 years and have five children. They are members of the Applecross Parish and have been involved with the Celebrate Love marriage enrichment seminar as presenters for 4 years. They are also a mentor couple for the Embrace programme which prepares engaged couples for marriage using a tailored version of the Celebrate Love seminar programme.