By Barbara Harris
Emmanuel Centre
The issue of people with disabilities and Natural Family Planning is a complex one and the variables for any situation are practically infinite.
For many in the community, Natural Family Planning is often seen only as a method of contraception in a marriage situation. People with disabilities are generally seen as a homogeneous group and are generally not considered as marriage candidates, although over time there has been some realisation that a person with a physical disability may marry, want children and have children.
It has been my experience that many people in society and Church have the perception that people with disabilities do not have the aspirations to belong, to love, to feel, to express their emotions, to understand and appreciate their bodies, to marry, to have children.
Furthermore, there has been an isolation of sexuality from a human and spiritual context which means that little is done to address the issue or even ask questions about the issue.
People with disabilities are generally seen as vulnerable and words like “fear” and ”protection” are often used.
Sterilisation is still quite a common response. I shall never forget the situation of a young girl with an intellectual disability who was a volunteer at Emmanuel Centre. This young girl was a ward of the state and sent to a doctor for an hysterectomy “in order to protect her.” The poor girl didn’t know what was happening.
This same girl demonstrated many mothering skills whenever anyone with young children or babies came to the Centre.
Could this young girl have used natural family planning? Could she even have an understanding of her menstrual cycle and the wonder of male and female fertility? Could she have married and had her own children? Unfortunately, we will never know.
Natural Family Planning cannot be seen in isolation from relationships and relationships are very complex in any situation.
Given the vulnerability of some people with disabilities, I often spend time with parents who are confused about what is best to do when their son or daughter indicates that they are in love and want to get married and have babies like their sister or brother or like they see on TV.
How do people with disabilities handle Natural Family Planning? That would be an easy question to answer if every person was just like the next person. No one description will fit every person with a disability.
The methods employed by natural family planning require the participants to have a certain understanding both of their bodies and of their environment. Such understanding is not always available to some people with disabilities.
One of the saddest times for me was to walk with a couple wanting to start a family. They sought my help to understand their fertility time, as things were not happening for them. The wife did not know that she had been sterilised as a young teenager. Her parents felt that she would never marry and she would be at risk of advances from “over-sexed” males.
Over the years various methods to engage people with disabilities in the Natural Family Planning process have been tried.
We all have a right to a basic understanding of how our body works and the gift of male and female fertility regardless of whether we will enter into marriage.
Over the years the concept of “rights” is well advocated. Not always is the push for “rights” in the best interest of everyone. It has happened that the “right to experiment with one’s sexuality” has meant a person with a disability being taken to a brothel “for therapy.”
Natural Family Planning looks at the whole person in the context of Christian intimacy, and the notion of surrender, belonging and faithfulness.
Some couples with disabilities can certainly show us that intimacy does not necessarily mean sexual intimacy. Words like “loving relationship”, “friendship”, “spontaneity” and “sheer joy of living” come to mind. We are aware that “biological parenting” is no longer connected to fatherhood and motherhood in today’s society.
The Church, as a whole, has not addressed the issue. We come from an era that refused to see people with disabilities as sexual beings to “fixing them up” before they “got into trouble”.
The issue is not about “How to …” but the deeper meaning of what intimacy is about. Intimacy is for all, marriage is for some and not everyone will have children. It is pleasing to note that Natural Family Planning is being offered to schools through the Archdiocesan Office and those involved in the Billings Method.
This means that students with disabilities who are in mainstream classes are able to get involved.
Each person’s needs are unique so we have never been able to find a single programme that is suitable in every circumstance. One programme that offers a glimmer of hope is called My Body: What I need to Know (2007).
This was developed with funding from the Commonwealth Government for teaching people with a mild intellectual disability.
The resource has four modules covering cycles of life, self awareness, physical awareness and male/female fertility and includes many charts, drawings and activities. Selections can be made according to needs.